You ever think about how when someone asks you to handwrite a paragraph or ride a bike that you don’t really have to think about the details of each letter, its phonetic background, how it is supposed to look or in order to stay balanced on two wheels, you have to have just the right weight on either side of the bike plus some force. These aren’t things we have to readily recall on a daily basis and there are thousands of these things that are brains just do. The brain just streamlines the process which is pretty awesome…in most cases.
Things like riding a bike and handwriting are great to have streamlined. We don’t need to think deeply anymore bc we learned this a long time ago. What if I told you that this same thing happens with emotional reactions? We have tons of experiences throughout our lives that have invoked a direct reaction because of an event that occurred in the past. A lot of these patterns we learned from childhood; whether that be from a parent or friend or sibling. And some of these things for serve us well, but ultimately, if we notice ourselves reacting(an instantaneous move) in a way in which we would rather respond (take a moment and thinking before feeling or acting), we may need to reconsider some of our prior learning. The only way to correct these things is to recognize and make a conscious effort to reprogram the old behavior. This means taking a moment when you notice your typical reaction coming up and turning this into the response that you’d like it to be; just like when you started writing or riding a bike.
We call these programmed reactions implicit memories. But these were all explicit memories to start. Explicit meaning there is a thought pattern the connects the event to an action or emotion. So as you move forward into the New Year, take some time to find some of these implicit reactions that you’d like to turn into explicit responses and go for it!
Perspective
Perspective
This is how we operate on our own vision of dharma (our truth/reality). We see the world we see…through our own lens. That lens has been shaped through experience; through interactions with others; through incidents and situations; through the thoughts and opinions of others. But ultimately, we live this truth that we created.
In many ways, our dharma is helpful. It allows us to pass through life without giving thought to things that lead to happiness and light. On the other hand, there are many situations in which our perspective creates emotional discomfort…stress, sadness, suffering. It’s through our awareness of these things, and the dedication and willingness to make changes that truly allow us to thrive and move through various emotions to be who we want and truly are.
Consider some instances in your world that could use some reevaluation; situations that may consistently cause you some type of discomfort. Think of some various ways to turn this on itself and find a different way to view it, a different perspective and see how the situation changes for you. This could be your ticket to some freedom.
Also, want to give a shoutout to my friend Kou for the Perspective Roasters for that hat and send some people over to check out their product. Kou’s ideology behind coffee is that everyone has their own pallet, their own preferences and your perspective is what it’s all about. Pop over and buy some of his specialty roasted product, you’ll appreciate his gift (especially if you love a good cup). And major shoutout to my bud Vasyl Hnyp for the photos. You are truly a master my friend and I’m excited to see your next steps in the photography world. Hit him up if you want some work done!
And always remember that whether it’s you or the person you’re with, there is always a different way to see and feel something. Look inside and work to better yourself and the world around you.
Creating Awareness Can SUCK
Photo: Vasyl Hnyp
Creating Awareness Can SUCK!
I do it almost every day, help people create awareness around their thoughts. I preach it. Let’s gain awareness because it truly is the changing agent. When we see what goes on in our minds/behaviors, we can start to slow everything down. We become less reactive and in turn, suffer a lot less because we get a grip on our emotions…in the long term.
But when you actually start seeing what is happening in your mind (in the short term) without any distractions, it freaking blows! You see all the judgements, all the faults, all the things. You can start to become even more emotional and more frustrated with your own cognitive patterns as well as the things that are happening around you. This can kind of suck..at first. It can feel overwhelming and all the feels as you walk around just noticing more of you and others.
So why? Ignorance can be bliss. I’d argue that conscious awareness starts the level up process. When we become more cognizant of our thoughts and what is taking place around us, we then have the opportunity, the power, to choose how we want to respond to things. We begin to understand that much of our emotional discomfort is related to thoughts rooted in our upbringing or judgements FROM others or our societal norms. Most of us (myself included) operate in a way that doesn’t entirely serve us. When we start to understand these thought patterns and how they begin to make us feel some type of way, we can then make a decision to continue reacting in the same way OR we can change our thought process for the positive. The start to understanding your mind and patterns of thought can suck, but the end goal can create a lot more positives, if you make the conscious choice.
There’s an old adage that says if you place a teaspoon of salt in a glass of water, it entirely changes what you’re about to drink. If you place a teaspoon of salt in a pond, there’s no noticeable difference. Creating awareness can help transition us from only seeing the brief moment causing us emotional discomfort (salt in the glass) to seeing that one specific incident as only a small portion of what is fully happening around us (salt in the pond).
Be well my friends and enjoy your day!
Uncertainty
Photo: Vasyl Hnyp
Uncertainty
It’s tough right now. We’ve all been taken out of our normal every day scheduled lives. None of us have any idea what’s going to happen over the next weeks, months, however long. This pandemic has thrown us all for a loop. It’s put us all in a situation where we have a lot of uncertainty on what’s going on in the world, what to do, what’s the right move to protect ourselves and others. How often do I go out to the store? When will my income return? Is it ok to go the park as long as I stay away from other people? But other people are there. Who else is being conscious of the situation? Tons of question marks and it is totally placing people in a whirlwind of emotions. Trust me, I feel it and I hear it every day in my work.
The gift that we’re being given in this whole ordeal is understanding uncertainty, then finding the things that we can control in our worlds, understanding we really don’t have THAT much control anyway, and we have to deal more with our deeper rooted shit. A lot of our freedoms have been stripped from us (and all for good reason-our heath and well-being of humanity), so we can take a look at the things we can take into our hands. Actions make us feel better. When we are doing something toward some type of purpose, it allows us to feel as though we are making a contribution and that provides us with joy. When we don’t have that, we are left feeling empty. So we can do what we can do during our new found time at home. That’s good…do more good things for others! But the rest of our time is left to the uncertain. It’s left for us to have to deal with our shit. Most of the time, we can just “do” our way out of what we have going emotionally. Right now, we have to sit with it and be all up in it. There’s no way around it. Well, I guess the liquor stores are still considered essential…
Are you the doer? The one that’s go go go non-stop? You’re probably reading this thinking, go screw off man. If so, this is your time. When we are unable to place our attention on other things, we have to deal with our shit. With that, acceptance of the situation and exposing ourselves to things that make us uncomfortable is one of the strongest ways to reduce our discomfort. What’s the thing making you most emotionally uncomfortable right now? No, not that you can’t go to the gym. No, not that you’re stuck in your house. No, not that I can’t hang out with my friends in person. Every single one of us feels shitty because of those things. Dig deeper. That’s it. Right there. Maybe you’re saying, “I have to be a more effective communicator to my spouse,” or, “I don’t like being alone because of that thing that happened years ago.” Now, we’re getting there. Right now, most of our deep rooted shit is coming up because we don’t have those outlets. The things that take us away from our feelings. Allow those feelings and discomfort to be and work on them. We are being placed in these spots, so we might as well use this time to bring light to them. If you need to be a better communicator, muster up the guts to do one thing a day to make you better at that and the list goes on. The uncertainty of how long life will be like this is unknown. Hell yeah, I want my regular life to return back to normal just as much as you do, but so long as we’re here, we might as well do something about these called emotions.
This Shit Sucks and That's OK
Photo: Vasyl Hnyp
This Shit Sucks and That’s OK
This is crazy. We’re literally going through a global pandemic right now. The world is operating differently than I can ever remember in my 35 (almost 36) years. We’re all stuck in our houses “social distancing” (can we just do away with that term and say physical distancing? It feels like you can’t talk to your friends), trying to not spread the virus and staying healthy. And by all means, that is definitely the move, but this shit still sucks.
I applaud all of the people out there posting and writing stuff to keep everyone motivated and positive during this time. It’s inspiring and keeps us all in a good headspace. But I want to tell you, as I constantly tell myself, and all of the people I work with, that acceptance is the first step to alleviation of suffering; accepting that the reality of the situation we’re in is unpleasant. Props to anyone out there that has truly accepted life for what it is right now. It’s freaking tough! Most of the things we’re used to doing are gone, but when we accept this for what it is (shitty), it allows to really move past those feelings. Heck, it took me a solid two weeks to do this!
I mean, hey, maybe we’re just getting a huge lesson right now in emotional discomfort. Many times in life, we experience an emotion and simply push it off, not dealing with the roots of what’s happening with us only to see that situation come back again to bite us in the ass. We all do it. What if we took this situation accepted all the shittiness that comes with it, all the life-altering circumstances, and simply said, “I accept the discomfort that I’m in. I’ll allow it to be and then be able to healthily move past it.” Once we’re able to do this, then we can truly make the best of the current climate. Yes, find those hobbies or projects that you’ve been pushing aside for lack of time. Find time to reevaluate some goals. And honestly, maybe now is the best time to actually do nothing. Rest. Just sit around if you’re a person that’s constantly on the go (definitely not me…insert sarcasm font). You don’t have to do anything. It’s ok to not be motivated. Find a show to watch. Start a meditation practice. Maybe just take some time to read more or stretch your legs or take more walks. Call some friends you’ve been meaning to chat with. Odds are that you’re in a place with someone else, so take some time to learn more about that person or further develop that relationship. If you’re solo, great, take time for self-development. I’ve mentioned this before but in our society, we’ve turned into Human Doings. Maybe it’s time to rediscover how to be a Human Being.
Happiness
Photo: Vasyl Hnyp
Happiness
It’s what we’re all out here striving to feel! AMIRITE? Sometimes when things feel like they’re falling out of place in front of our eyes, happiness can feel like this far off distant universe that will take Time Travel, the Millennium Falcon, and all three wishes from the Genie to achieve. Needless to say, sometimes it feels impossible. What if I could tell you that in those times of internal strife, there’s some ticket out of there?
The Persian philosopher, Rumi, was quoted, “When you go to the garden, do you look at the thorns or the flowers? Spend more time with the roses and jasmine.” This is not to say ignore what is happening and push off the negative emotions you are experiencing; but it is to say the more time you are looking at the “flowers” of your situation, the less pain and discomfort you’ll feel and potentially even experience some growth. Sadness is a lot easier to feel than joy or happiness. It is a much easier state to place ourselves in. And that’s why it is so important for us to give a little fight when we’re in those deep, dark emotional states because we can appreciate the light so much more when it feels so dark to us.
So when we start taking note of some more of the small things that create comfort like double-ply toilet paper (single-ply you’re still awesome too), the internet, fruit snacks, heat and air-conditioning, I mean we got a lot to be happy about. Next time, you’re feeling a little meh, you can always think about what it’d be like to not have indoor plumbing and that might make things a little bit better ;)
Love
Love
It’s February 14th, the day we in the USwith recognize as Valentine’s Day, I’m going to hop right on board with everyone else out there on the internets and use today as a reminder of Love. I mean that’s legitimately what holidays can be for us all, a reminder to show others gratitude, an excuse to get together with people you’re most close to, a common day to share with family. So I’m going to use today in the same sense, to remind us all of love.
We have all different types of love. Romantic love, friendship love, we can love actions that people do, we can love a hobby, we can truly love whatever we care to. On top of that, all these different types of love take on different properties. You’re not going to kiss your dumbbells because you love to use them for your workout (well maybe you do, and that’s cool, no judgement here), but you’re most likely going to kiss your romantic interest out of love. The love you feel for a parent is different than that of a sibling than that of a friend than that of a pet. It’s ever changing and that’s the beauty of this feeling. It can take on different shapes for all situations, but the important part is to show the love.
As people, we’re often conditioned to keep this love for ourselves and the ones most close to us. Although, I feel like the love we share with those close to us is very important, we should extend that love to others that are not in that close group, like the mailman or the random person you cross paths with at the store. A smile should do the trick or a simple, “hey there, how are you doing?” can go miles to make a person feel loved and cared for. Our society does an amazing job of creating individualism, which is great to allow us all to express ourselves in our truest form. But this individualism can also lead to isolation if we’re unaware. We’re all out here just trying to feel loved and cared for. I can guarantee you that the more love you send out to others, the more you’ll receive back.
So as we all move forward in our day/week/month/year/life, I ask that you take a look at where you’re extending your love. I ask that you look for, and actively recognize, the things you enjoy about others, even in the ones who aren’t particularly your favorite people. We all have good qualities and I know that the more you see these in others and embrace them, the more love you’ll feel in yourself.
Happy Valentine’s Day, friends!
Human Potential
Photo: Vasyl Hnyp
I mean, really, what is your actual human potential? Does anyone even know? When you consider the culture that we live in here in the West we have placed so much focus on the limitations we each have and have suppressed what we can strive to be or do. Let’s be honest here; we are SO easily able to find the weaknesses or things we aren’t good at and truly struggle to tell others what our strengths are. It’s all too common that the things we do right are completely brushed over for the things that we need to “fix.”
What if rather than focusing attention on what is holding us back, we focus on the things we can become? What if we focus on what we want and where that will take us, on the things that we know will make us better? THIS is our potential. We can be better by making moves toward our potential, but we are held up by our limitations, by giving more focus to the limits. Don’t get me wrong, it is very important to know what can limit us. But when focus on limitations is where our energy is spent, we neglect where we can really make strides - POTENTIAL.
In physics, there’s this term called potential energy. You may have heard of it. Oxford defines it as: the energy possessed by a body by virtue of its position relative to others, stresses within itself, electric charge, and other factors. Let’s think about that when we talk about human potential. The things that shape our current thought patterns and behaviors are typically results of the people we surround ourselves with, the stress in our life. Our “electric charge” could be compared to the way we see things (giving certain events, situations, etc attention will give that a ‘charge’).
YOU CAN SHIFT THESE THINGS! These are all choices that we are making on a daily basis. Surround yourself with people that make you better, people that support your desires and dreams, people that see your potential. Confidence will grow in these areas, you will feel it! Stress is an inevitable part of life, but we can change the way we view it. We can change the ‘charge’ of it. Have you ever heard someone talking about something that is massively stressing them out, and you think, “what’s all the fuss about? That’s nothing.” Well, that’s because you view that differently. That same person may say the same about something that causes stress in your world. When we shift the view, we can thrive more, we can see how stress can help us unlock more of our potential.
Where we allow our mind to go, dictates our emotional response and where we go internally. Why not focus on where we want to go, our potential rather than what limits us? So I say really take a look at your potential. What can you strive for? How can you succeed better? What steps can you take to get there? Turn your focus here and leave the limits for cities and speeds! ;)
https://www.lexico.com/definition/potential_energy
Cashiers Are People Too
Photo: Derrick Johnson
A few weeks ago, I was doing some holiday season shopping at a local store. As you all know, the holidays can be stressful times with people coming in and out to buy gifts for loved ones. It is an amazing time for many people but a tough time for many others.
Anyway, when I go to a checkout counter, I make a point to offer a conversation up to most cashiers. Previously being a cashier at a retail store, I would always note the interactions I had with people and was delighted to get the occasional upbeat customer that would ask of my day and left me with some positive vibes to help me through my day.
So there I was in the checkout line, buying a couple things and as I typically do, I asked her how she was doing and continued in a casual conversation about the holiday season. As she finished checking me out and bagging my goods, I noticed her making her way around the counter that establishes the employee customer boundary. The next thing that happened was amazing. She extends her arms wide and comes in for a HUGE hug. Now, me being a hugger myself, I embrace this random stranger of a person. I was already having a good day, but this random act of kindness sent me into an upward spiral of joy. Sure the hug was great, but the fact that this woman went out of her way to break the social barrier and provide me with a mood altering act, really made my day.
The interactions we are having throughout the course of our day can really matter. The importance of what a simple smile at a random person or the gesture of a simple, “how are you doing?” to someone can alter the course of a day (maybe that’s your own as it was mine). Showing compassion and care for others just gives that ripple of compassion and care and that creates a better world.
The Grocery Spill
Photo: Kelly Halpin
Recently, I came along a proverb-esque story in a book called The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield. As the story goes, I ask you to put yourself in this position.
You’re walking out of the grocery store, hands full of bags. You have everything you need for your week and are muscling your way to your car. As the automatic door opens, you pop out the door and WHAM someone runs into you and you fall to the ground spilling your groceries all over the place. Your eggs have cracked on you and your non-GMO Organic Marinara sauce that you were so excitedly prepared to use for that pasta dish tonight has plopped down precisely on your thighs. What is your immediate emotional response?
I know that I’d be pissed! Probably thinking to myself, “Watch where you’re going!” Maybe even saying that out loud. What if then when you went to give that person a “piece of your mind” you found that they were blind? They couldn’t see you coming. They were being as mindful as they could be, as mindful as their situation allowed. What is your response now?
How can I help you? Are you ok? Our emotional response turns from something of anger to something of compassion and care. When we better understand the situation someone else is in, we treat it with compassion. Same situation but our ignorance causes emotional discomfort. This goes in all situations and scenarios. We can related this to any “physical disability” but more importantly, we MUST relate this to emotional disability. It’s something we all possess; some type of emotional disability. When we are mindful of that in ourselves and in others, we can begin to go about life a little less “blind.”
I bring this up because most of our negative emotional responses, the suffering we cause ourselves, is a result of our own blindness of a situation. The suffering we experience is a result of the unknown or unaware. Most of our suffering comes not from immoral acts or wrongdoing but from blindness. When we offer compassion rather than anger, we have opened the door to happiness. Happiness in ourselves and others. :)